i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
