i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
bring money and cleavage
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
