Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
