didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
