You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
