Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Let's paint friendship bongs
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
