ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
