I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
