ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
