a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
