I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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