The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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