Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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