thus making me awesome and them whores
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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