I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
