Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
