I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
