This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
