She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
