In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
