u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
