Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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