I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
