yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
