do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
