dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
