My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
