I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
