Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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