Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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