Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
