I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
