I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
