I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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