I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
