the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
