I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
