is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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