hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
