Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
