Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
