FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
