i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
