I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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