As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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