Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Buhtt sex?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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