Don't make out with my wife yet
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
