i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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