My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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