Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
