In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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