New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
then he tried to convert me to islam
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
